The Annals of Questionable Children’s Music: Peter, Paul and Mary
posted in Uncategorized |As you might expect, we’ve been listening to a fair amount of childrens’ music lately. Most if it is perfectly fine (and the Disney stuff is just wonderful), but every once in a while I’ll hear something that makes me wonder who this music is for, anyway.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve got a deep-seated, but vague, affection for the Peter, Paul and Mary album Peter, Paul and Mommy. I’m told I just loved this record when I was a kid, and I can’t help but get the warm fuzzies when I see the cover. My parents gave it to us on CD when Connor was born, and I was excited to have it again, excited to revisit these songs.
When was the last time you actually listened to this music, though? Yes, much of it is fine, great even, but every few tracks I’m struck by… well, you’ll see. Let’s hit the highlights. Links go to lyrics.
Are you kidding me with this?
Do you ask why I’m sighing, my son?
You shall inherit what mankind has done.
In a world filled with sorrow and woe
If you ask me why this is so, I really don’t know.
I understand that this was the 1970s, and there were certain things you had to do to maintain your folksinger cred, but this is a children’s album. They’re having enough trouble with bullies on the playground and having to eat spinach, and you want to hit them with the world’s sorrow and woe? Surely this can wait?
Pretty refrain, though.
I am a literate 30 year old man. A Shakespeare enthusiast. Reasonably well read. And I haven’t the slightest idea what they’re talking about.
I was going to suggest that it might be inappropriate to sing to children in the character of a person who is being devoured alive by a large reptile, and expressing his shock, panic, and dismay in some detail. But then I decided to give it a pass, as it’s Shel Silverstein, and he’s clearly just having a good time.
This one has to be done verse-by-verse.
Hush little baby, don’t say a word
Pappa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird
Yeah, ‘cuz with all the chirping and fluttering and whatnot, then you’ll sleep.
If that mockingbird don’t sing
Pappa will be very very happy?
Pappa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring
Okay, hold it right there, pappa moneybags. One, what is a kid going to do with an expensive piece of jewery? Eat it, that’s what. And I bet diamond rings are just a joy to pass through your colon, especially when you’re a kid. Two, this is just setting all kinds of bad precedents. If you don’t like your toy, I’ll buy you a really expensive piece of jewlery.
If that diamond ring turns brass
Pappa’s gonna buy you a lookin’ glass
So you’ll be spoiled and narcissistic!
If that lookin’ glass gets broke
Pappa’s gonna buy you billy goat
No. No, no, no. No goats. Period. End of story. Furthermore, no ponies, elephants, giraffes, monkeys, zebras, lions, tigers, or bears.
If that billy goat don’t pull
Pappa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull
“But daaad, you didn’t say anything about a bull!” “Shut up, kid. Sigh. Fine. Enjoy your bull. Don’t forget to feed it. I’m going to go figure out how we’re going to afford the mortgage on this 10 acre lot we had to buy in order to support the thing, but you go on. Have fun. See you later.”
If that cart and bull turns over
Pappa’s gonna buy you a doggie named rover
To be clear: the dog was your mother’s idea. Every boy needs a pet, she said. Easier to support than a bull, she said. The bull was really too much for him, she said. Fine, I said. Becaue Pappa is a great, big pushover.
On the plus side: steaks for a month!
If that dog named rover don’t bark
… then Pappa’s plan is working perfectly. Ahh, blissful quiet.
Pappa’s gonna buy you a horse and cart
Because Papa’s given up on his job and his personal life and decided to open a petting zoo, apparently, with a goat, and a bull, and a horse, and a dog. The feed bills alone, you wouldn’t believe.
If that horse and cart fall down
You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town
Even if you’re terrible at taking care of your animals. Greedy little brat.
Now, I know what you’re going to say. Puff’s a classic. Everybody loves Puff. It’s a fun little song about a fun little dragon with a gorgeous melody and a refrain that just won’t quit. C’mon, sing it with me:
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee
Great stuff. But do you remember the last verse? I’d forgotten how this sweet little children’s story ends:
A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, jackie paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.
I say again: are you kidding me with this? Between this and Day is Done, I’m beginning to understand why mine is called the Prosac Generation. Throw in The Giving Tree and the kid will be in therapy for life.
Does anybody else remember how depressing kids music was? I’d completely forgotten, and it’s taken me completely by surprise. I thought this would be fun little songs to sing along to and not take too seriously, and a lot of it is that, but some of it’s a lot heavier than I remember.